I spent this past week on sabbatical at a beautiful ranch in East Texas. I went with expectations of rest and hearing God speak to me about a number of things. The rest and relaxation was amazing. The first day there I slept a total of 13 hours. My body was tired! And, I did hear God speak – just not what I thought he would speak about.
The last time I went to the ranch, I completed my book, Letting Go that was recently published. In addition, God clearly spoke to me about the coming year. In fact, His exact words to me were, “You are entering into a tumultuous time. There are very rough waters ahead. You must bring all the things that concern and overwhelm you to me every day and trust them into my care – or you won’t make it.” I realize those were very tough words, but they were true and I’m glad the Lord could trust me with them. Many days I’ve wondered, “Isn’t Jesus returning soon?” Honestly, I want him to return because I long to see His face; not just because it’s a way of escape. But escape was definitely appealing at times.
Upon arriving at the ranch, we were immediately told that the owners – whom we all love dearly – would not be there during our stay. Their daughter (who has three small children) developed a brain tumor about a year ago and the doctors were only able to remove about 80 percent. She is still having radiation and is not able to function as she once did. This precious couple had to come to the realization; recently, that they would never have their daughter back as they had known her – that is, short of a miracle. They do believe in miracles and have faithfully prayed. But so far, nothing has changed. This couple has been helping with the children, running errands and keeping doctor appointments so the husband can work for over a year now.
Late one evening I visited with one of their amazing chefs. She told me her story. Keep in mind, these are folks that love Jesus and serve him with their whole heart. She shared with me how two years ago her granddaughter was shot and killed in a strip mall while waiting for her boyfriend to get off work. She was very close to her granddaughter and the pain of her loss came through as she shared her story. Months after her death, their family sat in court and watched as the man was convicted of murdering her precious granddaughter. Afterward, their family went to the grieving parents of the guilty young man and hugged and comforted them. She told me, “Hate would not have brought our loved one back.” My heart broke for her.
I know God heals brain tumors. I’ve seen it many times. I know God protects us from harm’s way. I’ve experienced it over and over. I know the healing and keeping power of the living God.
When I returned to the ranch this time, I returned with a number of the same issues not yet resolved. Not through any lack of trying to fix them on my part I might add! Something was different this time though. I came to a peaceful resolve about them although I long for a day of resolution in each situation. I realized in a deeper way than ever before that everything is not always going to turn out the way I want it to. I am a woman of faith. I believe God can do anything and will if I ask Him to. Most of the time that is true but there are times that things just don’t turn out the way we hoped or in the time frame we desire. After all, His ways are not our ways but they are higher. These are the times we must lean on Him and trust His heart.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5, 6 NKG